Tuan Syed, Middle Child Syndrome & Mak

There was once, a male lecturer - Tuan Syed - asked us this question when he first time met us.

Tuan Syed : “Inilah soalan pertama saya dalam kelas ni. Siapa antara semua ni yang merupakan anak nombor dua?”

Few had raised their hands.

Tuan Syed : “Pengalaman saya, anak nombor dua ni selalunya trouble maker.” then he chuckled.

Yeah.. he’s precise!

My son has turned out to be a bit aggressive lately. Most of the time, he’ll be extra creative, doing his ‘projects’ with or without kakak. Playing and arranging glasses, writing his masterpiece on the wall, playing with something not to be played (toothbrush, roll on, talc), etc. The unnatural, he likes to pinch or beat kakak sometimes with hanger or anything that near to him after he teased her.

Now with mak around, he likes to turn himself to be with my mak most. Eating, bathing and sleeping with her everyday. Every single action will be with mak. When Achu comes, he always wants to tag along and leave the house to go to Achu’s home. I’m not jealous but it’s pretty obvious that he’s sending us a signal that he feels ‘unwanted’. Macam membawa diri! Macam tunjuk perasaan!

I red somewhere in the Pa&Ma about a mother who sent a letter to the editor regarding her middle child. The syndrome called ‘middle child syndrome'. Another syndrome which is related is ‘second child syndrome’.

Adding second and third children greatly impacts the family structure, and a middle child is created. Yes, the “Middle Child Syndrome” is very real. Middle kids bemoan their fate as being ignored and often grow resentful of all the parental attention given to the oldest and the baby of the family, and feel short-shifted. Three kids triangulate sibling relationships, with one child at any given point feeling like the odd man out from the chumminess of the other two.

(More to read, please click here!)

Another one:

Okay, so I'm exaggerating, but you get the idea: The second child really does get shafted. After you've seen your firstborn sit up for the first time, crawl for the first time, take her first steps and speak her first words, let's be honest ‑- it's hard to drum up the same level of enthusiasm for the second (though you are of course delighted to see her thrive). You can't help but feel guilty that your littler one spends most of her time relegated to the car seat as you shuttle her big sis to her various social calendar engagements and after-preschool activities. Though your first child took long leisurely naps undisturbed in her crib, your second one is transferred constantly from crib to car seat and back again.

(More to read, please click here!)

From the answer given in Pa&Ma, the specialist didn't blame the parents as they have given extra or equal attention to their kids. It's natural!

Furthermore, after Syafiah was borned, the attention turned to her dramatically. Even after we discharged last week, I can feel the loose connection between me and him. Of course, I feel guilty! Managing people's behavior, especially kids, is not always easy. I need to be fair and equal.

Eventhough that he's 'changing' from time to time, spank & brutality is not an answer. I'll remain cool and patient! When he beats kakak, I'll chase him around the house like a 'crazy woman' (sambil ngilai-ngilai & geletek-geletek, of course!). I always hug my kids and gigit their ears too! (Gigit yang tak sakitlah!).

Letting Adam to be with mak now, doesn't mean that I don't care about him, doesn't mean that I don't love him. In fact, I love him more as he is unique! My jewel in the heart!

It's just about their quality time together. My mom is no longer young. The Almighty God can take her anytime. Before she goes, I just want to let her days fill with happy memories. Biarlah Adam terus rapat dengan mak...

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Gambar ehsan Dengan Izin

N Gobalakrishnan (KeADILan - Padang Serai), Tian Chua (KeADILan - Batu), dan Hee Loy Sian (KeADILan - Petaling Jaya Selatan).

Sila baca blog YB Kulim - Zulkifli Nordin.

Bravo-bravo... jimat duit minyak!